Aching for Love!

Dear Eco-Goddess:

I am aching for love! Ever feel that way? I've been off the dating horse for over a year now - on a consistent basis. I may have gone out with a couple of men during that time but they were all one time daters. Nothing fancy, nothing to write home about. My interest level down!

I am becoming very concerned about my romantic life which of course includes relationships, love & sex. For me romance on a fluid basis must include those three key words. I believe that I may be overloaded with feelings to the point of emotional congestion and this may be causing bouts of depression and a "back-off" sign may be posted on my chest that even I can't see. Mixed messages? I want you.... but I don't want you. That is just how I feel and may certainly be projecting. Plus I feel frozen in my tracks. My last relationship was a soul buster due to the dramatic climax we underwent. Talk about emotional volcanic eruptions! They were the highlights of the closing chapter. But have I truly closed that chapter? This I now understand was a shock to my entire system and I may not have gotten over it in a timely and orderly fashion. I mean how do you get over a broken mind and a cracked heart?

On Mother's day, I ventured out with a man I met while traveling locally. Truth is he is not what I classify as "my type". But at the time of meeting, I was drawn to his energy field and introspect may have been sucked into it for all the wrong reasons. So in the spirit of moving away from putting anyone in that old detrimental category, I took a chance and allowed him to spend a few hours with me on Sunday. When he arrived at my doorstep, I immediately heard a voice inside me say, "hmmm.... he's pretty wide around the waist and don't appear to be solidly on his feet nor in his composure." He seem to wobble a bit. This actually is true but I didn't let it stop me from going out and having a good time. So I actually made the best of it and went with the flow. Truth is deep inside I felt a bit of an attraction but nothing that would hold a lasting frame. There seemed to be a few odds I was up against. But hey, it was only a first date.

At the end of the date, I suggested having a cup of tea but he said he's not a tea drinker. I am a big tea drinker and so I felt that we wouldn't be sharing blissful tea times together - that's for sure. During our departure time, he just said good bye and walked away. Later on, I sent him a text message to say thank you and good night but its Tuesday morning and he has not responded. Clearly a big message for me because it keeps resurrecting in my mind.

I've discovered a TV show on VH1 called "Tough Love New Orleans". I like that show because its pinning me down to face areas of relating that I've ignored or discounted. It's challenging me to grow up and pay attention so that I can relieve the aching feelings I have around making a love connection. Each of the women contestants teach me something about the ropes of love and the ones that pull the strings of the heart.

This episode in my personal dating life, is awakening me to myself. I know that you've always said, "It's not about him or the other person, its about me or self." And I can't help hearing your words over and over again as I realize that my feelings are actually hurt. Even though, I don't want him, the fact that he ignored my text and has not made that follow up call or outreach says it all! I feel sad inside that he was one person before we went out and now I am wondering who the hell he is. Is there something I'm missing? Or am I only facing the reality of my own feelings and that is... he's just not into me and that is only a reflection of the fact that I am just not into him.

Is it right and safe to say that it's my EGO that's trying to control the situation, its my ego self that's struggling with the emotions I feel inside? And if it is so, then how do I still honor my feelings, learn from this and move on? I am a freedom lover and so I don't need to talk to a man everyday. But this one is a bit strange and because I'm not accustomed to a man ignoring my follow-up or him not following up I am actually crushed. It's more so that I feel rejected in some way. My ego is not liking that at all! I wonder though, if he calls me... how do I respond or address this in an authentic way that does not compromise my integrity, my sense of self and self-worth? I have even begun to cuss him in my mind but I soon stop because I am able to call out my ego for its games. Or better yet, do I call him and express my feelings to him? Or just practice letting this one go? He owes me nothing. But what do I owe myself in this aching for love case?

Your advise and guidance would be greatly appreciated!

THE ECO-GODDESS: This one is perfectly timed with VENUS RETROGRADING less speed ahead today. It began its slow regression last month but its official today. I'd like to invite my readers to join in and offer advice to this lady who is clealry ACHING FOR LOVE!!

How does your Venus call you?

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"Oshun, oh Oshun, I feel the brush of your sensual whisper against my chocolate skin, I feel you nudging me ever so gently to express you, to feed you. You want me to wear long wide flowing skirts, if any clothes at all). You like charm belts hanging between my waist and my hips; exotic jewelry from Africa, India, the Middle East and those made by my native American kin, dangling down my arms, hanging on the long sensual lines of my neck; you sometimes say sexy cast and cauldron corsets will warm your arms. You like me to wear feathery & sensually appealing earrings bordering my face; body candy that lace my hands and fingers and art that decorates my third eye. For the gateway of pleasure and creation, between my legs, you say let the light of the moon shine on your womb, while sexy trimmings of mother earth fall over my nipples and mount of Venus.

Oshun my female lover, you urge me to have peacocks sketched in henna above my ankles and Moroccan inspired designs along my hands and my arms awakening the purrs of the White Tigress in me. Within me is your flame of desire for cultural delights and the musical lyrics & melodies of exotic lands resounding through me as we bubble with flirtatious laughter while you talk and I listen & you listen as I talk. The whisk of ancient goddess temples filled with the fragrance of amber and Bulgarian rose that fills my nose, takes me back in time eras I once knew. Oshun you call me, I know you do because I desire to sense, feel, hear and taste you in everything I do. You are the sensual flame in me, the lightning bug within that LIGHTS UP the dark corners of the WORLD!!"~ Surya Devi




Who is Oshun, really? Herein I'll call her Venus because that is the title of this planet in the world of Astrology. But her essence goes by various names, like Aphrodite and Oshun. She's beyond sheer femininity, she's the queen of many of life's good things. She's the happy girl that finds the perfection in the eyes of her lovers as she stares into its mirrors; she's a sensuous drip of honey, a lusty carefree giggle. She's strings of pearls and a deliciously lazy afternoon just laying in the grass or creating the art of your heart. If you want to raise your inner Venus (Oshun) then walk your fingers across a silk satin sheet, sniff the fragrance of calla lilies or run a bubble bath with lavender blossoms floating on top, candlelight and stones lacing the tub with Sufism music playing in the background. Venus (Oshun) is wicked too, orgasmic and fun; she's graceful and artistic. She's the blend of sensuality and fertility of earth in her Taurus radiance. She's sweet harmony and a dancer on her toes in her aesthetic, airy Libra nature. You can hear her singing through wind chimes, or the morning songs of birds.

Venus (Oshun) is erotic by nature; she's both wild abandon and good taste. She's the goddess of Love that makes the wheels of sensual desires spin and the earth so pleasurable. So why is it that so many of you, like me, don't have such a good relationship with her? We each have our own different stories indicating deprivation or denial of her needs and expressions as she lives as an archetype or goddess within each of us. The Venus (Oshun) of today is hopelessly frustrated due to her opposing nature in us. In the west, Marilyn Monroe was an icon of Venus. Then there's Oprah, Elizabeth Taylor and Jackie Onassis, just to name a few! Each of these women are (were) beautiful and rich, yet they are (were) all poignantly unsatisfied. What they possess in money, status and beauty, they seem to lack in true love and personal happiness. Sounds familiar?

I have a flirtatious Venus in Sagittarius, I want to play around with my flirting partner, to be "friends first". I have a naturally friendly style that has often been mistaken for serious interest and in the end I attract unwanted Mars. My Venus yearns for adventure and the freedom from restrictions, she desires to travel and roam the earth like a gypsy, living a bohemian lifestyle. She's usually very lucky in love when she travels and is mesmerized by foreign men. She wants to go horseback riding (better yet, own one). Venus in me gets a kick out of laughing and making others laugh even with my dry sense of humor. Her nature in me is that which is spiritually inquisitive, actively questioning and seeking answers from nature and the higher realm. Finding (always) the chance to be teacher, but student alike.

One good thing on my side is my intuitive knowledge of Astrology. Isn't that what many run to astrologers for? Hoping for some happy, pleasing Venus news. In a chart she gives clues about your relationships and finances. The downside here is that people tend to go searching for ways in which a certain part of their chart, or inner self can serve them through knowledge or some prediction of the future. The irony to this is that one can find your Venus in your chart and also discover that it may not match who or how you are living or have been most of your life. This does not mean that your Venus is wrong, it means your Venus has not been expressed truthfully and authentically.

Astrologer, Dana Gerhardt asks, "What if the Venus placement actually suggests where we're meant to SERVE her interests, rather than the other way around? In ancient times when someone's life was going bad, the oracle's job was to identify which god or goddess had been offended and which offering would set things right. Most astrology books tell me that Venus in Sagittarius means I love freedom, sports, travel, foreign land and people, philosophy and big ideas, oh, and I love in a big way. But it would certainly be more interesting if they said not "what I am like" but rather "WHAT I NEED TO DO" to appease the goddess of Venus (Oshun) in me. Until then its all potential and desire for Venusian pleasure and for many theirs may very well remain a sleeping beauty on a thorny bed. Can astrology bring the magic kiss of a King that will awaken the Venus in many more women as well as the collective Venus (Oshun) spirit for all women? You can lead a horse to the water, but you can't make it drink. It's up to YOU!

As with all of life, there again are dualities and as much as Venus is all about beauty, pleasure, money and the sensual delights of living and the abundance of the earth, she also has a dark side. Let us begin by acknowledging the stain that 2,000 years of Christianity have spilled on Venus' erotic free-for-all. Most of us discover our erotic feelings during our youth, alone and in secret. Not able to share than with any one forever suffocates our sexuality with a certain uneasiness and shame. We are constantly taught about the methods and values of work and earning money but little is ever said about the skills and importance of pleasure. Add in the the legacy of celibacy and courtly love combined with our contemporary notions of romance, we've lost touch with the true desire and expressions of the Venus archetype as it personally and uniquely dwells within each of us. With Venus stained and pushed in to our dirty cloths basket and no temples to honor her, such neglect has left her a pretty mad and dissatisfied maiden or shall I say bitch.

Psychologist James Hillman in "Pink Madness" describes a pissed off Venus as such. He thinks that she is angry. And I concur with that. She is very hard to find these days with women taking the masculine role and needing to control and prove their worth while neglecting their own sensual pleasures and needs. Venus (Oshun) is hard to find because women dress in contrast to their nature and are busy or too tired to soak in their own bath tubs or cook a nurturing meal in their own home. Some women rarely see nor spend time with their children because they are busy winning the bread and investing their energies in building corporate America or someone else's dream. This goddess of sexuality expects us to recognize that sex is a sacred and soulful force. She is calling us to ignite and unite with her divine spark to become instruments of pleasure. But how can a mother of 3 or a cosmopolitan female executive's home smell and reflect as her very own sensual domain when her playground is in the board room?

Venus is asking us to annihilate boredom and fatigue with heavenly delights and joy - to taste, smell, heat and touch the richness of the earth and the beauty of the world. She wants us to know that ecstatic communion with the divine life force during sacred sex will make us feel healed and whole. Then our lives and all that we encounter will be blessed with the Venusian laughter, sparkle and grace. Sadly when we minimize her gifts, seclude it, sneak it or shun it and feel guilty about it, we have grossly scorned and dishonored her place and power in the bigger framework of our lives. Then she is a goddess out for revenge and Venus does this through a "pink madness", says Hillman.

"I shall invade every nook of the contemporary world that has refused me so long with a pink madness. I shall pornographize your cars and food, your ads and vacations, your books and films, your schools and your families. I'll get into your T-shirts and underwear, even into your diapers, into teenie boppers, their slogans and songs, and into the old ladies and gents in retirement colonies on walkers in San Diego and Miami Beach. I'll show you by showing, until your minds are fuzzed pink with romantic desires, with longings to get away - tryst, nests, sweets. That is, the civilization will be crazed to get into my preserve, my secret garden. I will excite your entire culture so that even those attempting to cure their neuroses, as well as their sober psychoanalysts will have nothing better to talk about than desire, jouissance, seductions, incest, molestations, and the gaze into the mirror."

Venus is an obligation to living! No matter where she is placed in your chart, you need to answer her questions. Do you make that particular part of your life beautiful? Do you offer her time for sensuous experiences and simple pleasures? Do you allow yourself to let go, open up and surrender? Do you laugh? Do you appreciate? Do you play? Do you bring joy to others through your own? Play it cool for too long, then your passion fades and disappears and you wonder what happened to your life? Venus says, "Rev up the FIRE!" You may get into trouble; maybe you'll even start a war as she was known for starting the Trojan War in Greek Mythology. She's also known as Orisha Oshun in the African world. Life would not be the same, nor would it be quite as safe. But then, without your Venus or Oshun, would it really be much of a life?

The Eco Goddess Temple

Note from Surya:
I have been pursing and studying the field and energies of Astrology for well over 20 years. I continue to deepen my studies of Astrology, enhance my intuitive skills and learn how to make peace with the planets (the deities) as they exist in me. I am learning what it means to give them offerings as we do in the African traditions and how to create rituals around them. The Eco Goddess Temple is the space in which I am cultivating love and bringing each of the planets alive. I create talismans and symbols for each of them. My son is one of my Venus creations. He has a triple Venus ruled-planet of Taurus and although I have a Capricorn sun, Venus is my ruling planet. If you are interested in finding out your Venus placement and lighting up your VENUSIAN fire, email me: ecosensualliving@gmail.com. Better yet, join the Eco Goddess New Moon Circle (Wed, Oct. 26th @ 9pm) - we'll be glowing our moon and lighting up our Venus there!

Balancing Acts

Autumnal Equinox
by Caryl Bryer Fallert

At around 5:05am this morning, the Sun entered the balancing air sign of Libra. I woke up around 1:45am, 3 hours early wondering why I had awakened at such an ungodly hour.  It was the intensity of the moon and sun, the earth and sky pulling towards each other. I was feeling it. And I was fighting it.  Restless, toiling and rolling then remembering to breathe, I soon drifted back into the other world.

True balance and harmony integrates both the light and the dark.  Staring into the blazing fire during my agnihotra meditation, I sat hearing the words, a whisper from the spirit of the autumn equinox asking that both the light and the dark aspects of my being be accepted equally. No exception, only total acceptance. Being comfortable with the everything I am; learning to value even those parts of me I learned to deny.  It's so easy to go into a blah blah state about balance and the light, and when it comes to the darkness we freeze up, tense up and avoid it at all costs. I'm guilty as s_it! (Yep, take a seat!)

With a parade of planets either already in Libra or making their way there I don't think any of us can avoid our dark side, the parts of us that stay hidden in our blind spots or curled up in a dark corner inside.  The ones that are starving from not being allowed in the living room, but shoved in the corner of the closet for what seem like an eternity.  The dance in Libra is hitting my 1st house. I wonder where it's happening for you? As for me I being challenged because I am already in the midst of my 7 numerology year; I haven't been much of a social butterfly, nor have I had the usual public appearances or hung out at any of the spots I used to.  I have been behind the scenes studying, learning, growing painfully and working diligently on finishing my book, completing other projects, reorganizing and refreshing my business and taking care of my family. Now all this song and dance where its' been quiet.

With the Sun, Venus and Saturn already sipping cocktails in my first house waiting for Mercury to join them on the 25th of this month while the moon will stop by for a brief visit in on the party on Tuesday, the 27th.  I had better prepare myself to host all these guests that are all professors out to school me (and you). Imagine having a cluster of teachers in a classroom teaching you all at the same time. What an accelerated learning camp!

The first house rules overall vitality, your height, your weight, the shape of your jaw, the expectations you have of beginnings, how you interact with others, your overall approach to life. The 1st house holds first impressions -- the ones you make on the world, and the ones the world makes on you, according to Astrologer Dana Gerhardt. Now I have this growing feeling that somehow I am being asked to come out from behind the pole a little bit to mingle with others. To do my own balancing act. Then it's no coincident that I am getting my newsletter out after so many years.

The Balancing Act

RELATIONSHIPS and LOVE and even how we earn money are key right now. We are all getting a visit from the Goddess of Love somewhere in our lives now that Venus is in her home sign Libra. She's calling us to align with our hearts and not our egos.

I love how life brings us the people and relationships that we need to learn the lessons we need to learn to be more of who we are, to be greater. My girlfriend Jeneba called me yesterday to ask me about a woman who called accusing her of being with "her man" - the "man" who happens to be married to a friend of Jeneba's. What a joke & entanglement.  During our conversation I asked her how her new Cancer boyfriend was coming along. "He's so emotional! Other than that he's giving and showing me a lot that I never had before." I laughed out loud and said, "It's time for emotional balance." When a Cancer man enters your womb and your life you had better know it's very much about emotions- about bringing your dark hidden ones into the light. He will make sure of that because he hides not his own (light & dark) and knows how to bring yours out of you. I also told her it's also about you reflecting on your role as a mother. Cancer is the most mothering, family sign. As I began to tell her ... "speaking of motherhood I've been wanting to chat with you about that but have been waiting to see you and the right time.  My phone suddenly, and I mean out of nowhere snapped, powered off all by itself. KA BAM!! An energetic BARRACADE! I knew that I needed to leave that alone for now.

Libra is the universal symbol of close one-on-one relationships. How well are you allowing your heart to open with those individuals you relate to?  How honestly are you allowing your true self to shine in those relationships? What issues of equality (Libra) and conversations needs to take place and be addressed here? Have you allowed things to go unspoken or discussed until now? Is it time to let go of people in your life because the time has come to move on to where they cannot follow?

Now is the time to reflect on that which has taken place since the Spring Equinox and ask yourself: Am I truly heading toward my heart's desire or am I still caught up in my head and allowing others to dictate who I am and what I do with my life? Even while in close relationship with others we cannot give up our goals and dreams just because we are caught up in a pattern of trying to please others.

Think about all you have undergone since the March Vernal Equinox and ask yourself this: Am I truly heading toward my heart's desire or am I still allowing others to dictate where I am and what I do for my life? We can still be in close relationships with others; however, we cannot give up our goals and dreams just because we have known one another for decades. The past is no longer an excuse that works anymore. It is an Ego trick to keep us from moving forward as our Soul wants us to.

Take a good heartfelt look at the obstacles and excuses your Ego is putting in front of you for not wanting to break free of the habits or history of the past. Uranus (which is retrograde at 2 degrees of Aries in my house of relationships - have mercy on me!) will ensure it happens whether or not we decide to first do so. Did I tell you that while the party is going on with Libra, Uranus is opposing the party? The North Node is now at 17 degrees of Sagittarius 51 minutes, still wanting us to take stock on top of our little mole hill, looking back to where we have been, where we are right now, and what beckons us on.

Do you have the courage and Faith and Trust to follow your heart's desire?

Feel your way forward, honor your emotions, especially EGO's fears and anger about change and moving forward, take assertive action, and be prepared for the sudden changes that come from letting go of the old and outmoded past. It's time to choose once and for all WHERE you want to be come Saturday. And remember this...... if you don't make your intentions clear, someone or something else will do it for you (and most likely not in the way you originally intended).

Let your old leaves fall....... HAPPY FALL EQUINOX!!!

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Want to know where you are and what's going on with you personally around these planetary transits, shifts, transformations and changes that are calling you? Email me to schedule a reading!! It really helps to lift you up.  Clarity comes, confidence soars and you align with the planetary dance that is always greater than You  & I. 

Reach me at: ecosensualliving@gmail.com or 301+637 +6739