Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Sustainable Personal Relationships!

As I age gracefully with my body carrying the secret of youthfulness and quietly revealing my own immortality, I reflect on one of my - and life's - most important areas - Relationships & the art of relating! Relationships is where I spend the majority of my time and energy in this lifetime - whether personally, socially, intimately, professionally, creatively, etc. This lifetime I am here to explore the multiple ways of loving with relationships as the container.

Lets look at the same old ancient form of bonding, connecting, growing, loving, living through the frame of sustainability.

In order to survive as a species, James Lovelock, the scientist who introduced the “Gaia hypothesis,” says and believes that sustainable personal relationships are the critical element needed to design, build, and maintain new sustainable social structures. Much of the world currently is in a cycle of social breakdown with increases in domestic violence, child abuse, school shootings, violent regional religious and ethnic conflicts and international wars."

I personally believe that sadly, technology is rapidly advancing faster than the human consciousness and the human spirit.

When I think of sustainable relationships, I conjure images and sensations of relationships that are able to withstand the test of time, move through challenges, break down obstacles, ones that embrace both the light and dark elements of relating and in which each participant is willing to own and be responsible for their internal disruptions - those that assault the relationship; I think in terms of relating-ships that allow both the dark and light to be free without titles or dogmas; I think of virtual vessels that allow each partner the space and safety to be totally naked in mind, body, heart and spirit. I see all as key players in their own evolution, the active exercise of courage to recognize their weaknesses, self-destructive patterns, self-denials, unconscious habits and the willingness to practice vulnerability and communications and articulation of feelings as they purely exist.

I imagine relationships that provide safe space for one to be and to become, relationships based on the principles of naturalism; relationships in which individuals can readily address the role they play and the response-ability to one's own creation, truly embracing the energetic laws of creation from the moment our eyes are open to the moment they are closed. I see new relationship structures of fair partnership, community, sustainability, bartering, fair value exchanges, interdependence and authentic individual liberation. I see and imagine an ever expansion of mind, body, heart & soul. I see relationships as the new currency, as the most valuable commodity and mutable source of existence.

Here's what a few others are saying about Sustainable relationships....

What is a Sustainable Personal Relationship?

Sustainable relationships advance both individual and collective consciousness. In them, people acknowledge they have unhealed developmental traumas from childhood and agree to help each other to heal them. They commit to staying together during the healing process and to resolving conflicts that are rooted in these old traumas. People focus on understanding and changing themselves, rather than changing their partner. They take responsibility for their own thoughts, feelings and behaviors and give help only when it is asked for.

During conflicts, partners become more conscious by recognizing each other as mirrors to discover unseen parts of themselves. They support each other’s emotional and psychological health by negotiating differences and creating healthy boundaries. Partners with children recognize them as teachers and learn from them rather than trying to mold them. They apply these principles to all their relationships and seek to be a model for living together in peace and love. Sustainable personal relationships have the ability to move people from co-dependent, tribal thinking to the interdependent, collaborative consciousness needed to solve global issues, as described by Drs. Janae and Barry Weinhold.

Sustainable relationships are based on principles of interdependence, cooperation, partnership and mutuality. They require people with a commitment to growth and change, a strong sense of Self, well-defined personalities, small egos, compassionate hearts and humanitarian ideals. In sustainable relationships, a central focus is helping each other change co-dependent behaviors, with each person taking responsibility for changing his/her own thoughts, feelings and behaviors.

How to Build Sustainable Relationships

Here are some suggested tools:

• Be willing to ask for what you want directly from those who have it to give one hundred percent of the time. You will know you have learned this skill when you can ask for what you want directly and people will be delighted to give to you.

• Forgive those who may have wounded you in childhood. You are not hurting them by staying angry at them, only yourself. Your choice is to stay angry or to grow up. This applies to both individual & collective ones, racial and cultural ones woundedness.

• Become more aware of your co-dependent behaviors with the aid of self-help books, body work, holistic therapy, meditation, constructive loving criticisms, the development and guidance of intuition. Identify and heal developmental traumas.

• Risk changing your relationships by changing your self so that you can break free of the co-dependency trap.

I believe that the only bridge that will take us to the next level of our evolution is none other than ... the HUMAN bridge. :-)

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